updated

My convocation was just end on yesterday. Its a memorable day for me and i did took alot of picture with my ex class, room and school mate. It should be a happy but busy day for me.

Today, is his 23th years old birthday. Actually i planed to give him a surprise on today but everything had been spoiled since the day i lie at him. All the surprise was gone and suspicion is what we left after the thing. I am the one who did the wrong and i should bear on this kind of punishment. Even my parents also can felt that something wrong between me and him. I am sorry bout it but i know that sorry doesn't mean that all the thing can be settle. I hate myself from hurting him but nothing i can do to make up the thing the i had been done.

I though I will be the one who celebrate his birthday with him. But i can feel that everything was changed even though both of us not willing to admit it.

My parents ask me, "thian, why ur weight keep on lost? u look thinner and thinner when everytime we come here to visit u". I don't know what to answer. I just said it is cause by the stress from work. They really dote on me alot. They buy me a washing machine and a kettle so that i no need to be so tired to wash my cloth by hand. I know that and i feel so touch of that.

In front of them, i keep eating and eating just wish that they wont worry so much bout me. Even the oily food, even till my stomach cant stand on it, i still easting. I am suffer from that, i actually keep run to toilet at the midnight. But i know that i shouldn't be so weak in front of them, i need to take care myself so that they wont worry bout me.

My life is messy and complicated. I hate to be like this but i cant changed anything. And my sense told me that, i might lost a person who means alot to me soon. I hate to be like this. Really hate it.