LIfe?>

Hmm.. today should be my insurance exam date. I should now studying and doing revision but still i sit in front of my comp just want to drop down some of things that cross my mind...

I do not know is it consider end of the "case" after 2 months war with it.
Its really a complicated relationship among us..

Honestly, i really hate the girl. Sorry for the rude but i will still say.. she really not match with him cause she look much more older than him.. Haiz..

I don't know la...
I just know that i now have some one who care me much, love me much, dote on me much, understand me much.. That's should be enuf. The only thing that i should do is that, do not make me worry, sad and stress anymore. ahaha...

Am i going to lost again?

Am i going to lost again?
Why everytime also will have the same thing happen?
Is it i deserve to this kind of punishment?

I hate it..

I need to some space...

I do not know what's going on with my recent life..
I am damn tired to deal with all of this things..

Hey god.. can give me some space to breath??

Pls dun force me to do the cruel thing..
Pls dun force me to be cruel to u...
Pls dun force me to hate u..
Pls ......

Pls give me some space.. i need to breath...

3rd May 2009

Sunday morning.. Have to back to KL today... Now waiting mummy back and say bye bye to them. Haiz.. Have to leave again..

This morning, mummy come to talk to me..
she said "I so worry bout u o.. How u going to settle the things yourself le?"
I just answer her " mee ar. dun worry la.. i will find a way to settle it.. really no need to worry"

Again.. the same comment from her " thian, next time when do things, think of it 1st.. Sometimes, something just can't simply make decision.. Have to think of others too.. Have to responsible for all the things also."

I answer " ok la.. i know." then smile at her and cont my things.

Hmm.. " mee ar.. i know.. i really know all of this la.. Just its easy to say but its hard to do lo.. I hope i can growth.. i dun wan be a kid not only in front of others but also in front of u all.. I do not wan u all worry bout me so much but i know its hard cos i alone at KL and all of u at MUAR.. The distance is 2 and half hours from KL to there.. Its far.. Mee ar.. i really really hope that u all will just beside of me when i am in trouble. i really hope that someone will just support me behind whenever and whatever decision i make.. I hope that there is someone be my listener whenever i need but not just blindly shoot or scold me like "him".. "

"daddy ar.. u sayang me the most.. although sometime i tend to keep some secret to u.. but actually is for ur own good la.. haha... i feel so touch cos u purposely take the mango for me... i really really happy la.. love u la ah pa"

Hmm... have to motivate myself la.. have to be more independent next time.. jia you lo

lalala...

I shouldn't think so much..
I shouldn't burden myself so much..
As what he said, somethings is just depends on urself...

U can choose whether u wan to think of it o not..
Just let go the things..

LST.. PLS..
ur mind really cant fit in so much things..
U r not qualified to carry so much burden.
U will collapse in one day for sure...

2 May 2009

Saturday night.. sitting in front the comp but nothing to do...
So tired.. So boring..

I know i let them down..
I planed with daddy that will go Malacca gai gai on labor day but i didnt do that. Cause i am tired so my daddy just cancel the plan.. He is disappointed..

I talk with my mummy and my sister last night..
Again, they complaint about my bad temper.. Actually i know myself well.. actually i know what am i doing.. just.. sometime i really do not know how to show it out in words.. all i know how to do is just show my bad temper to them.. I know i am bad.. i shouldn't do like that.. but its hard.. its tough.. and its tired..

They are right.. I am still like a kid.. and i never growth..
Why i never think of future.. why my thinking won't be as mature as my sister is.. why??
They really understand me well.. they know that i will just show my temper to the person who really really close to me.. and so unlucky, they are the one who i can show out my bad temper.. sorry for the things that i did..

Daddy and Mummy ar.. actually i love u all so much..
I alone at kl.. and i know both u hope that i can back to Muar and be with u all together as my sister and brother. But Mummy, i really not used with the life in Muar.. I really sorry for that..

Sometime i saw my brother and sister so close to my parents..i really feel so lonely..
Alot of things i miss.. alot of things changed when the time i not around.. Even i will call back everyday, but its impossible that they will tell me every single things that happen around them and same as me..

I feel so so so tired..
I wish speak out all the truth..
I am tired with my life that full of pretending..

Auntie ar.. I am sorry for the things that i did.. but somethings really hard to get back to used.
Uncle ar... Really thanks for the caring and also sayang o..

Darl?? I still calling you darl lo.. its hard to change.. but in some day, i still have to change it.
I am sorry
I am tired.. i really tired..

Hey.. is it Heaven still have space that can fit me in??
Or else hell also not a bad idea..